Dealing With Divorce Through Humor

Divorce is not funny business. Its hard to laugh when two people are fighting over money, property, and kids. However, divorce is  gaining social acceptance in many parts of the world.  Humor helps to alleviate the pain of separation, and sarcasm brings out your witty side. So, if you feel like being nasty, it is better to release your nastiness through sarcastic quotes  than by snapping at your friends and family. If you are going through a difficult divorce, you may want to lighten up. Make room for humor in your heart, however bitter you feel right now.  Find ways to vent your disappointment. Rant  out loud with friends. If you are seething with anger, let off some steam with these funny divorce quotes. A sense of humor may be your best friend during this difficult time. Divorce Quotes Lewis GrizzardInstead of getting married again, Im just going to find a woman I dont like and give her a house. Oscar WildeDivorces are made in heaven. Dave BarryToday, it is easier to get divorced in most states than to get a transmission repaired properly. Garry TrudeauIn Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers. John Kenneth GalbraithThe happiest time of anyones life is just after the first divorce. Zsa Zsa GaborHe taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. Woody AllenThe only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her. Mary Kay BlakelyDivorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.   J. B. HandelsmanJust another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified. Jimmy FallonA 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the worlds oldest divorced couple. Its got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage. Groucho MarxMarriage is the chief cause of divorce. Jean KerrBeing divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.  If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. Johnny CarsonThe difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Wendy LiebmanMy mother always said dont marry for money, divorce for money. Robin WilliamsAh, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. Helen RowlandLove, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest. Dave BarryYou should be prepared for anything during divorce proceedings—even the truth. James CaanTo get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while. Ruth GordonIn our family, we dont divorce our men—we bury them.   Mike TysonYou cant stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. Bette DavisI’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year. Lenny ClarkeI can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended. Mickey RooneyA lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think Im about $100,000 short. Evan EsarSome women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables. Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy. Tommy ManvilleShe cried—and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. Louis C.K.Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but its true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Chelsea PerettiMy parents divorced when I was one year old so I don’t really remember any of the details, but luckily, my mom does so she’s been really helpful. John CleeseI got off lightly. Think what I’d have had to pay Alyce if she had contributed anything to the relationship—such as children or a conversation. Russell BrandWhen youre a monk, youre not allowed to have sex with anyone. When youre married, its one person. Thats one more than a monk. Its not that different.