Dealing With Divorce Through Humor

Divorce is not funny business. Its hard to laugh when two people are fighting over money, property, and kids. However, divorce is  gaining social acceptance in many parts of the world.  Humor helps to alleviate the pain of separation, and sarcasm brings out your witty side. So, if you feel like being nasty, it is better to release your nastiness through sarcastic quotes  than by snapping at your friends and family. If you are going through a difficult divorce, you may want to lighten up. Make room for humor in your heart, however bitter you feel right now.  Find ways to vent your disappointment. Rant  out loud with friends. If you are seething with anger, let off some steam with these funny divorce quotes. A sense of humor may be your best friend during this difficult time. Divorce Quotes Lewis GrizzardInstead of getting married again, Im just going to find a woman I dont like and give her a house. Oscar WildeDivorces are made in heaven. Dave BarryToday, it is easier to get divorced in most states than to get a transmission repaired properly. Garry TrudeauIn Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers. John Kenneth GalbraithThe happiest time of anyones life is just after the first divorce. Zsa Zsa GaborHe taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. Woody AllenThe only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers. I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her. Mary Kay BlakelyDivorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.   J. B. HandelsmanJust another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified. Jimmy FallonA 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the worlds oldest divorced couple. Its got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage. Groucho MarxMarriage is the chief cause of divorce. Jean KerrBeing divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.  If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. Johnny CarsonThe difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Wendy LiebmanMy mother always said dont marry for money, divorce for money. Robin WilliamsAh, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. Helen RowlandLove, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest. Dave BarryYou should be prepared for anything during divorce proceedings—even the truth. James CaanTo get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while. Ruth GordonIn our family, we dont divorce our men—we bury them.   Mike TysonYou cant stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. Bette DavisI’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year. Lenny ClarkeI can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended. Mickey RooneyA lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think Im about $100,000 short. Evan EsarSome women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables. Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy. Tommy ManvilleShe cried—and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. Louis C.K.Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but its true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Chelsea PerettiMy parents divorced when I was one year old so I don’t really remember any of the details, but luckily, my mom does so she’s been really helpful. John CleeseI got off lightly. Think what I’d have had to pay Alyce if she had contributed anything to the relationship—such as children or a conversation. Russell BrandWhen youre a monk, youre not allowed to have sex with anyone. When youre married, its one person. Thats one more than a monk. Its not that different.

International Business - 1604 Words

Brian Cash Wal-Mart Case Study International Business How has the implementation of NAFTA affected Wal-Mart’s success in Mexico? When NAFTA was implemented in Mexico, it was an almost immediate success for Wal-Mart. This was because they lowered and abolished the tariffs that Wal-Mart was required to pay prior to the implementation of NAFTA. With the lack of tariff fees, all of the Wal-Marts in Mexico have been able to offer the â€Å"Every Day Low Prices† that we Americans are used to. The Mexican population has other retail options, but none offer the variety of products at the prices that Wal-Mart can offer them. Prior to NAFTA, Wal-Mart was having strong levels of success all over Mexico, but was taking a huge hit as it†¦show more content†¦Wal-Mart is still successful but the due to NAFTA and is a successful business model for other companies to follow. If other companies such as Target or K-Mart tried to venture into that market they could be just as successful, but would still be competing against Wal-M art’s enormous scale. 3. What have Comerci and Soriana done to remain competitive? What else do you think they need to do to remain competitive in the future? Comerci and Soriana were once the staple consumers flocked too. This was of course due to the lack of many other options available to them in the market. Wal-Mart of course came in with their â€Å"Every Day Low Price† guarantee and that changed everything in Mexico’s consumer market. Both companies reacted by trying to lower their prices in order to compete with Wal-Mart, but the mega-business that is Wal-Mart has a much deeper wallet and was able to firmly grip the market with its buying power. Mexico retailers use a different pricing structure known as â€Å"high and low†, rather than lowering the prices they offer sales or deep discounts but still cannot compete with Wal-Mart’s pricing. (Daniels, Radebaugh, amp; Sullivan, 2013) So Comerci, Soriana and Gigante formed a purchasing consortium that allows them to negotiate better pricing from suppliers. This collaboration known as Sinergia, ran into problems with Mexican regulators and the consumer pr oduct council. These agencies feared that Sinergia would use itsShow MoreRelatedInternational Business Ventures2671 Words   |  11 PagesInternational Business Ventures Measuring a potential business venture has many aspects which the international manager must be aware of in order to convey the correct information back to the decision makers. Being ignorant to any of the aspects can lead to a false representation of the project, and hence an uninformed decision being passed. In order for a business to survive it must grow. For growth to be optimal, management must first be able to identify the most attractive prospective leadsRead MoreChallenges of International Business Management1037 Words   |  5 PagesCHALLENGES OF INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS MANAGEMENT What are the challenges of International Business Management? International business management is a term that is used collectively to describe all commercial transactions which include; †¢ Private †¢ Governmental †¢ Sales †¢ Investments †¢ Transportation The above take place between two or more nations. It involves all business activities which partake in cross border activities of goods, services and resources between nations. PrivateRead MoreInternational Business1578 Words   |  7 PagesInternational business contains all business transactions private and governmental, sales, investments, logistics, and transportation that happen between two or more regions, nations and countries beyond their political limits. 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(p. 23) If the free market reforms in China continue for two more decades, China may move fromRead MoreInternational Trade As A Tool For International Business1707 Words   |  7 Pagesfourteen asks some very important questions regarding international trade as SME and MNE evolve globally due to technology. Therefore as international business continues to evolve companies are find easier ways to find importers and exporters from the comfort of their offices without the costly methods of travel and due diligences trying to find reputable companies to handle their needs. Using a variety of sources I will analyze international trade through the use of websites and go into detail aboutRead MoreBusiness Administration International Business Essay1784 Words   |  8 PagesBUSINESS ADMINISTRATION amp; INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS In the literal meaning, Business refers to an organized approach to providing customers with the goods and services they want. Business Administration has over the years taken the form of a formal field of knowledge, besides engineering medical and even closely-related Economics. In the 20th century, with the development and growth of business schools in America and Europe, the dynamics of business administration changed. With more research conductedRead MoreThe Problem Of International Business842 Words   |  4 Pages International business c Trade occurring between one or more countries worldwide. Balance of trade Difference in value of a countries imported and exported goods. Balance of payments Also known as BOP, is the monitoring of all international money transactions during specific times. Global dependency The dependency of one nation to another. Competitive advantage The advantage a company has over its competitors, allowing them to achieve greater

Decline of Han and Gupta Dynasty Free Essays

Matthew Vinas Chapter 510/9/12 The Han dynasty and Gupta India were both large powerful empire who conquered most if not all their surrounding neighbors. They left a impression on the surrounding area and its history. Regardless of this influence they could not avoid the looming end that was coming. We will write a custom essay sample on Decline of Han and Gupta Dynasty or any similar topic only for you Order Now Like all large civilizations of its time both Gupta India’s and the Han’s golden age had to end. There are many reasons for this the largest ones being corrupt or weak government, foreign invasions, and internal rebellion. Gupta India was a highly advance culture containing advance mathematics, astronomy, and city planning. But none of these advancements could save them from the decline and eventual fall of their civilization caused by weak government. Following the death of Skanda Gupta in 467 CE rebellion and civil war began to tear the empire apart causing a time of unsteady rule. The constant rebellion caused the government’s power in society to decline to . Due to the decline of government, many necessary part of society had to be ignored in an effort to fix the current problems that were being faced. This neglect allowed for the military to decline resulting in the increasing success of the Huns invasions. These invasions took a heavy toll on the government of Gupta, more specifically its rulers causing them to lose more and more power. This lack of sturdy rule allowed the people of Gupta to rebel against its government and its government officials which lead to the invasions of Gupta. Aside from the weakened monarchy, the very personalities of the later Gupta Kings contributed to the ultimate fall of this dynasty. Similar to Gupta the decline of the Han dynasty can be sum up to three points corrupt and incompetent government and rebellion. isrt of all the governmet of Han was corrupt. Toward the end of Wudi’s reign in 156 BCE, violence erupted between the empress and Wudi’s concubine over the heir to the throne. Eventually, a compromise ruler was chosen, but the decline of the Han Dynasty had already begun. Later emperors were incompetent, and their reigns were marked by corruption, and a lust for immortality. This obsession and corrustion was the main reasons for the co nstant invasion attempts. The wars and large armies put an enormous burden on the economy. The lack of currency, trade, and natural disasters created an uneasy feeling between the Han nobles and their peasants. The main reason of this is due to massive food shortages caused by the massive overpopulation. To conclude the decline of both civilization were the cause of many factors. Like all large civilizations of its time both Gupta and the Han dynasty had to come to an end. Though different in culture both the Gupta and Han dynasty declined and eventually fall due to its weakened government, constant foreign invaders, and its rebellions. How to cite Decline of Han and Gupta Dynasty, Essay examples

Sports Info Essay Example For Students

Sports Info Essay supplements range from protein shakes to illegal anabolic steroids. Some sports izzle out, while others still work well but do more damage than good in the long run. In the past athletes had to turn to such things as anabolic steroids or blood doping (the process of taking out blood and adding oxygen to it and putting it back into your body in order to increase a persons endurance). However, these procedures have many drawbacks. Mainly, thCreatine One of the primary things an athlete will do is put supplements into their body. ey are illegal. An athlete may be suspended from playing their perspective sport for using them. They have many long terms and short term side effects. Many supplements are as simple as packaged energy and others require a strict exercise and eating regimen. I will explore sports supplements focusing on creatine and its effect on the sport world. The first and most basic sports supplements are protein weight gainers. This normally comes in the form of powder and works best when mixed with milk. The main reason for taking extra protein is to gain weight and muscle mass. In todays athletics, whether it is high school, college, or professional, the athletes are getting bigger and stronger. Protein works the best when the athlete is on a strict work out regimen. Many sports supplements are a combination of herbs and proteins. A popular supplement of this sort is called Heat. Heat has many different ingredients in it that allow the athlete to experience more energy by creating more heat. This allows the athletes body to work more efficiently and therefore work faster, stronger, and longer. This is very important in the sports world because it is becoming harder and harder to compete at an unsupplemented level. Athletes want every advantage that he or she can receive. Now there is a substance that can give an athlete the edge that they desire. One of the most popular and effective sports supplements on the market today is Pure creatine Monohydrate. Creatine was first introduced to the US in 1993 by a supplement company called Experimental and Applied Sciences. Since that time it has become one of the most demanded items on the market. The creatine that is bought in stores duplicates the natural creatine that is produced by the kidney, liver, and pancreas. Creatine Monohydrate has been proven to significantly enhance athletic performance in the areas of power, strength, and muscle mass. Most importantly though, it doesnt seem to have any serious side effects. Also, since Creatine is found naturally in the body and in foods, it is likely that it will not be removed from sports. What is Creatine? Creatine is a nutrient that is found in many foods. It is most highly concentrated in lean red meat. A half-pound of red meat contains about two grams of Creatine. Every human body also produces Creatine in very small amounts, though some people produce more than others. Creatine is necessary for proper cell functions and cell reproduction, it is also a primary storage for energy in muscles. How does Creatine work? When somebody is exercising, his or her muscles demand energy. The energy that the muscle gets is called adenosine triphosphate (ATP). As the muscles keep contracting, the ATP is turned into adenosine diphosphate (ADP). ADP causes your muscles to fatigue. Creatine Phosphate helps to convert ADP into ATP when the ATP is gone. In doing this, the athlete has better endurance during his of her workout or event. Creatine producers and users claim it to have many advantages, such as increased endurance, increased overall work potential, increased speed of muscular action, and the potential to further increase muscle mass. Creatine also accelerates protein synthesis. If all this were true, it would be easy to see why athletes are turning to Creatine for an edge on their competition. But are these claims real? Is their scientific proof of what Creatine does? Yes, since Creatine came onto the supplement market it has been tested extensively. Research in human sports science indicates that if you supplement a normal diet with Creatine it will increase the Creatine content in the muscles. Truth Exposed in Body Rituals among the Naciremas Essay If anything creatine requires one to increase their workouts and effort, because the bodys tolerance to exhaustion is higher. Another problem that people may see with creatine is the cost factor. A Creatine supply for a month will average close to forty-five dollars. With the cost of this and other supplements being so high, it seems that the higher class athletes would have an advantage, which causes many critics of creatine(or supplements in general) to deem it unfair. Their case is, athletes of one group should not be permitted to have an advantage over another due to something such as money. In conclusion, Creatine is and can be a very effective supplement for athletes, it doesnt help everyone. Depending on the person and the sport they are participating in creatines effects can be either positive or negative. Though long term research on the effects of creatine have not been confirmed, as of now the only side effects are diarrhea, nausea, and weight gain. These are outweighed by the increased success that one may have in their strength and performance in sports. Creatine has a positive effect on sports as well as its negative effect, therefore each person should weigh the positive and negative, then make the decision for themselves. Fall Back On Fitness As we head into the cooler autumn months, we undoubtedly expect that the upcoming holiday seasons surrounding Thanksgiving, Halloween, and (yes, already) Christmas will lead to our spending more and more time indulging and less and less time keeping ourselves healthy and fit. This doesnt have to be the case. We are not bears, and regardless of what one may think, we do not need to store up extra fat so that we may hibernate for the winter! Awareness of the potential pitfalls of the holiday season can prevent the pounds from sneaking up on you. Treat yourself to an early gift by purchasing a journal in which you can keep a daily record of your eating, exercise and stress behaviours. Keep an eye on your journal entries so that youll notice your less than healthy behaviours and make changes before you get overwhelmed. One suggestion is to weigh yourself once a week during the holiday season. One study of weight loss over a 50-week period found that some study participants gained 500 percent more weight per week during holiday weeks as compared to non-holiday weeks. But the good news: Participants who consistently monitored and recorded their own behaviours were able to lose weight during the holidays. (Published in Health Psychology, July 1998.) The next suggestion is to remember that your body needs movement more than ever during the holiday season. Exercise releases tension, expends the calories of those holiday goodies, increases your energy levels so you can shop til you drop, elevates your mood so you can combat holiday-related depression and be the life of the party, and gives you the gift of time for yourself. Here are some great ways to fit exercise into the busy fall season: ? Exercise first thing in the morning before you begin your busy day. ? Try to plan holiday activities around family and friends, instead of around food. Tell family and friends to bring walking shoes and comfortable clothes to your celebration. Then take a 30-minute walk together. You can do it in shifts so someones always basting the turkey! ? Get into a routine now, before the holidays strike! Those who have previously developed a solid exercise habit will make the time to exercise even when they feel like they are ?too busy? to find the time. Sports and Games